Production Gigs Disclaimer

If you are reading this you may be somewhat interested in film and television and all things entertainment and are kinda-sorta-maybe-so thinking of moving to LA to pursue your dreams. If LA is calling you, then by all means, please do come on down. Far be it from me to dissuade or deter anyone's dreams. But from a former bright-eyed, bushy-tail to a current one, here are some cold hard facts of the game:

1) The great time you spent in school, struggling to get together that great thesis film (or script) together that got rave reviews in class won't get you a blink in Hollywood (HW for short). Unless you win the festival route with your film or the writing contests with your script, you won't get much attention in the HW. What they don't tell you in school is that even though you will learn all the technical and practical applications of filmmaking you won't actually get to implement any of them anytime soon (unless "Ordering Lunch & Dinner" or "The Fine Art of Lattes 101" were a part of your curriculum.) You will get to see those applications in practice but more than likely it will be from a distance (probably as far away as the production trailer, or worse yet in the rear view mirror of your car as you go on yet another run.)

2) Now that BA you slaved over does come in handy. You can't get a job--not even a decent, moderate-paying PA (production assistant) job--in most places without one. (Don't dream of submitting a resume to a production company or network without one.) It doesn't really have to be in film or television but it helps. If you are a guy, your size and weight will put you [literally] head and shoulders above anyone else to work onset. [They always need big strapping men to haul around heavy objects]. Girls, any great "secretarial" skills you have -- answering the phone, working on the computer, ability to alphabetize and count to 100--will put you in the league for one of the office production gigs. (Or if you are handy with a paint brush or a needle, then the art or production design department just may have an on-set opening.)

3) No matter if you are a guy or girl, you will begin to loathe the sound of your name as it will be called more often than "Jesus wept!" Just when you think you will be able to stop for a second and oh say "take a wee" you will get another blast from the walkie talkie asking you to come hither. [10-100 means you're on the toilet by the way but don't say this unless too much time has passed. You don't want to get those looks.]

4) One thing about LA: since there are so many little fish in a big pond, finding work that pays you enough to afford shopping at the 99cents only store can be a challenge [More on the 99cents store in an upcoming post]. The entertainment industry in HW is one place that gets away with paying people ridiculously low rates if you are below-the-line and hideously outrageously high rates if you are above-the-line. On one of my first production jobs I made about $500/week which is GOOD starting mula in LA. Thing is I worked 65-70 hours or more a week. (No overtime til after 12 hours a day though.) That equals to just over $7 an hour. [It's sad when you can make more money selling 10-count packs of tube socks by the side of the road than you can in TV.] "But wait," you say, "that's $2000 a month, surely you can live on that!" Well if you take out taxes (which is about a $100 out of each check) $400 of that is gone, your rent is anywhere from $700-$900 a month--with a roommate--$100 or so for your share of the utilities, $200 (if you're lucky) a month for gas, a bare $200 a month for food (that's only $50 a week which may get you bread, baloney, eggs, milk, and storebrand cereal), not to mention your own personal bills--cell phone ($80), share of house phone/internet ($20), car insurance ($200), and any credit card payments (bye $100). You're now down to the working poor...where buying Little Debbie Snack cakes are considered a "splurge".

5) One of the best things about LA is the opportunity. Job leads and positions seem to abound, just ripe for the applyin', and you can always network, network, network (a.k.a kiss a lot of ass). But just as you will find many a derelict and pothole on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, so too will you find that a lot of what goes down in Tinsel Town is merely a slight of hand. Apply with caution but if they sound too good to be true--check craigslist.

Next up: More on your first foray into Hollywood and what you can do to avoid pimping yourself out to pay the rent between interviews.