Down to the Nitty Gritty, PA Style

Ok folks! Here is some practical advice that will help you navigate the lower echelons of tv/film production. If you follow these simple rules, you will be leagues ahead of many of your fellow comrades. They may seem minor in appearance but oh how they make a difference. You will be perceived as thorough and insightful--keys to move you up quickly through the ranks. I cannot tell you how so many people were dismissed or doomed to never see more than making runs because they failed to follow these few simple rules. Here they are in no particular order:

**Get the lunch/dinner order right. Even if you did not place the order, take the list with you and double check that each person's order is there. [Write names on the package; it helps]. If the VP asked that no mayo comes on the sandwich, if the Producer wanted hot fries and a cold drink, check to make sure. Please. There are only 2 outcomes if you don't: 1) a severe scolding because you didn't get the order right (never mind that you didn't place the order or make it) and you will have to return for the right meal or 2) you will have to return...home because you failed to check to make sure the sandwich was correct. (Yeah, I know you didn't make it. Shit Happens. Bye. Bye.)

**Become a mathematician and make sure you have exactly the right amount of anything asked for--copies of scripts, packets of sugar, number of pens--and then add 10 more to the number. There is nothing like arriving on set with the 5th revision of the script and 6 more people need a copy. Never mind that they said they only needed 30 copies. And don't you dare hold everyone up by running back and making more copies.

**Speaking of copies: Moonlight as the Xerox repairman/repairwoman. Nothing gets you 25 million Cool Points and songs of praise than your ability to fix a jammed copier. Usually it's just a matter of following the little diagram on the screen and extracting said jammed paper. But most people just stare at that blinking light in horror and slink away, not wanting to admit that it was they who jammed the copier. Your ability to open a single drawer, remove a sheet a paper, or (worse case scenario) replace the toner in just a few moments will draw gasps and pats on the back for your quick thinking and resourcefulness. Plus you saved them a ton of time and grief. Now if said methods do not work and turning copier on and off fail to solve the problem then and only then do you go to a third party and mention the "problem with the copier".

**Always, always, always carry at least a pad of paper, some pens, and a sharpie or two on you at all times. (You can add your "tool kit" too but we will talk about that later). There is nothing that says you are green than a PA or an intern staring at person while being given a verbal list and not writing a damn thing down. Even if you have a photographic, supersonic memory, write it down. It shows that you are particular and smart about writing things down. And that you are on top of your shit. Remember that lunch order? Imagine if you forgot to write down "no cheese" and you gave that lovely ham and cheese sub to someone who was lactose-intolerant. Not pretty. (It gets worse if you get the Starbucks order wrong.) And of course this isn't just about food. If you misspell someone's name or write down the incorrect title and hand the note to the editor to add to the credits, whose head will roll?...(Hint: Not the editor's.)

**When on walkie and you need to speak to someone and the response is longer than a sentence, please PLEASE go to channel 2 or to whatever channel is designated for conversations. There is nothing like having a long-winded conversation on the production channel; it ties up the whole line and makes people really pissed at you. You do not want the AD or Director calling you out on the walkie. (I have been on a few shoots where someone stubbornly remained on channel 1 for all business, no matter how long. All became very memorable and on a first name basis with key personnel--as in remember this person because he/she is not to be on another set of mine ever again.) Don't forget to tell your buddy to go "back to 1" --as in channel 1--otherwise you both will be on the shit-list for not responding.

**When you have to go on a run, check in. When you reach your destination and have picked up the tape or whatever item you need to take back, call your immediate supervisor and ask if there is anything else he or she needs picked on on the way. It saves you time, headache, and gas. Your boss will think you are on top of it because you think ahead, it will cut down the turnaround time (especially when there is no one else available to go on the run), and save you unnecessary traffic headaches (we all know the later it gets in LA, the longer it takes to get anywhere.) Also if it's going to take you longer to get back to the office (traffic, workload holdup, etc) call-in and tell them. They will think you have gone AWOL otherwise and will start advertising your position ASAP.

**Mapquest, Google, or Yahoo your destination always. (There's nothing like a newbie who calls in to ask their boss, "Where was that place again?") Always, always, always carry a Thomas guide with you. You probably will have to take a detour and will have to know how to get there, especially if the 405 is a parking lot (again). Always learn at least 2 major streets per expressway to detour to in case there is bottleneck or some phantom vehicle causing yet another "accident" on the freeway.

**Bring your tool kit, particular to your position. All should have a leatherman, the all-in-one thingy magingy that cuts, slices, dices, pops, and cracks any and everything you need. If you are on set a lot, have your rolls of gaffer's tape in hand (in the colors of the rainbow of course). Carry your lanyard at all times and make up a mini crew sheet to tuck in it so you can reach out and touch anybody anytime. Carry an arsenal of writing utensils (someone will always borrow one and never give it back). Add other items to your person as you use them.

More to come...